


Pigtails

by Era_Penn



Series: The Idiot Genius and His Somewhat Blind Hawk [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bedazzled - Freeform, Bromance, Crack, Dolls, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Pigtail Pulling, Pranks, Pre-Slash, Teddy Bears, blatant abuse of children's toys, dollhouse - Freeform, five-year-olds at heart, no toys were actually harmed, song pranks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-01-03
Packaged: 2018-01-07 08:41:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1117831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Era_Penn/pseuds/Era_Penn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony and Clint are mutually in unrequited love land.<br/>The Avengers want to fix this.<br/>They did not think it through, clearly.<br/>Because the two idiots are basically five-year-olds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The next debriefing, the team discovered the form of Clint's retaliation.

"Barton, that was the most ridiculous -"

"Aw, it's okay pirate-man, lay off the teddy."

"Sorry, sir, the dolly was too busy dressing up to put on his thinking cap this morning." Simultaneously, the two (apparently five-year-olds) stuck their tongues out at each other as Fury rolled his eyes and went back to shouting.

* * *

In the end, it was Natasha who managed to lock them in a closet.

It backfired, horribly.

And the not-a-couple entered the five-year-old, pigtail-pulling stage.


	2. Chapter 2

It started with the quiver. Barton had a favorite quiver that he absolutely loved, and used it on every mission, so he didn't bother to check it when the assemble call went out, just grabbed it. It was still in perfect working condition, but when Natasha saw it and started full out laughing (which was actually quite a terrifying sight) and he turned to look...

Tony. Had. Bedazzled. His. Quiver. His favorite quiver. And now it was sparkly pink and white and gold and purple, lots of purple.

"This means war, dolly."

"Bring it, hawkass."


	3. Chapter 3

Barton, they had to hand it to him, was an expert prankster. 

And in retaliation he pulled off quite a heist, somehow getting Jarvis not to tattle.

He gift-wrapped every piece of equipment and tech that it wasn't a fire hazard to wrap in Tony's shop (including the tables, the bots, the Iron Man, and the computer) and put it all right back where it was.

Tony's shriek of rage woke brought every Avenger running, and they were all four floors below when it happened. They stared.

"Suck it, Iron Santa."

"Oh, it is ON."

The Avengers felt that the near future was going to be perilous. Very perilous indeed. Coulson went so far as to alert SHIELD, and Fury sent out a memo that all Agents were to take sides at their own risk.


	4. Chapter 4

Tony rigged Clint's shower to play "I Feel Pretty" from Westside Story whenever he showered. Clint got every doorway the billionaire walked through to sing a few lines of "Call Me Maybe" and it was stuck in everyone's head for days. No one was brave enough to point out that neither song was actually insulting.

And then there was the day they found Clint's favorite chair replaced by an actual nest his size.

Or the day Tony woke up to find all of his coffee replaced by decaf.

Or the day Clint discovered the vents had been coated in liquid soap.

Or the day all of Tony's weapon prototypes had been rigged to blow nontoxic glue and confetti.

But things came to a head the day both of them decided to pull the ultimate prank.


	5. Chapter 5

Tony woke up slowly, very slowly. His muggy brain couldn't work out what was wrong, for a moment. And then it clicked.

His bedroom. Everything was pink, white, and frilly.

In the closet, he found life-sized Barbie clothes instead of his pristine suits. The bathroom was full of flowery smells and differently colored doll wigs. Feeling stuff under his feet, he looked down to find the entire floor coated in glitter and rose petals, a lovely vanilla scent floating through the air courtesy of some candles. Written on the mirror in lipstick were three words.

Caw, caw, dolly.

"BARTON!"

* * *

Barton woke up fast and was on his feet in an instant, blinking as several something stumbled off of him. Bending over he picked one up.

The teddy bear stared at him. He stared back, and looked around. On the surface, everything looked normal, besides the bears on his bed. At first glance, anyway. And then he looked closer. Tiny little bears poked their head around bear shaped vases, and the tables carried all sorts of bear-shapes trays of bear foods. The drawers were full of stuffed bears, and when he opened the closet, he found faux-fur clothes had overwhelmed everything. No matter what he wore, it's be basically a bear suit. His hats had been replaced by headband ears. His socks had little claws.

In the bathroom, the shower curtain was bear patterned and the mirror had three words written across in brown whiteboard marker, complete with paw prints.

Cuddle time, teddy!

"STARK!"


	6. Chapter 6

Natasha, Coulson, Steve, Thor, and Bruce were gathered around the kitchen table. Twin shrieks of rage echoed through the tower at the same moment. They were totally unprepared for what happened next.

Tony stormed in wearing sparkly pink sweats with frills on the end as Barton stormed in wearing white fur sweats and socks that looked like bear paws. They looked at each other and groaned, collapsing onto the couch. 

"Truce?" Clint mumbled.

"God yes, this is exhausting."

"Jarvis, put on something awesome."

The Princess Bride popped up. "Yeeeessss," Tony said.

Natasha snapped a picture.

Twin pairs of mischief filled eyes turned their way, and the Avengers realized they may have miscalculated.

They'd wanted to get their teammates together because they were clearly pining. They hadn't thought about what those particular men in partnership would mean.

"Shit," Bruce whispered as the pair smirked and started whispering.

They all shuddered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is it for this part of the series, but you may get a couple feelsy bonus chapters cuz I'm a sap for the feels. Hopefully I got at least a giggle. :)


End file.
